"mentality" and making games pt.3: creative homeostasis
this is part 3 in my series about "mentality" and making games. in part 1, I linked "mentality" in fighting games to creativity, and in part 2 I reflected on my relationship with "failure."
homeostasis is the process by which living things maintain internal stability, through regulation of the body's systems to maintain balance. as living things, we have a drive to create the conditions in our environment to achieve homeostasis, and a resistance to change that might disrupt it. in this simplified summary of mine, we could say homeostasis is the foundation of the push-and-pull inertia of our lives, between rest and activity.
for any person who practices a craft, there is a "creative homeostasis" (which, really, is just normal homeostasis.) which guides the push-and-pull of creative growth and rest. learning and trying new things induces stress, which while neutral in nature, is something we feel a natural resistance to as part of homeostasis. we feel that stress as a signal that we are asking a lot of our body, in this case for it to create and refine new paths in our brains. once a new skill or experience has been incorporated it feels much easier, because we have already internalized it.
just earlier, I was reflecting on why I don't play as many games on my personal "kamige" list--games that I know will have a transformative impact on me.* it brought me back to these things I know about homeostasis and stress tolerance.
(* this diverges just-so from the origin of the term kamige, but I feel remains in the spirit of it.)
I know I'm someone with a lower-than-average stress tolerance. so when it comes to all the new skills I want to learn or stories I want to experience, I can become quite frustrated. it's important to me to live in tune with what my body asks of me, and I typically feel content doing so. at the same time, I know there's a conflict between "what I need right now" and "what will nurture me into my future."
in a way, you could say it's my job as the conscious decision-maker of my self to balance this need thoughtfully. but even so, I don't find it to be simple, especially when my life is under already difficult conditions.
it brings us back to this classic problem--how does one do "much" with "little"? there's two paths that can each be tempting: first the path of rest, where one lowers their expectations or reorients their values to fit their immediate needs and capabilities. second is the path of stress, where one accepts the harm to themselves in pushing above their stress tolerance in order to meet long-term goals. to say it another way, "cope" and "grindset" mentalities.
when I've tried either in my life, neither felt quite satisfactory or sustainable. since then a third path has become apparent to me, but I'm still exploring how to best realize it: the path of healing, where I take on a measured amount of stress in order to improve my environment and my stability, which can then (with hope) create a positive feedback loop of improving my stress tolerance and helping me pursue higher goals naturally and incrementally.
it might be surprising that I consider experiencing transformative stories such a high goal, but to me it's a practice on par with any form of learning. learning is expansive, furnishing our knowledge, wisdom, discernment and imaginations. stories are much the same! stories are also a form of communication, bringing us closer in community and collective identity-making. without any of these things, the quality of our lives and our futures can be quickly diminished.
so, to me at least, it can be a high priority to ensure my life is focused in a direction that lets me have room for expansion without compromising my health. this sort of balancing and foresight is quite difficult, but ultimately I find it a process of "trying things and seeing what feels good."
when I look back at my growth and maturation over the past two years I feel quite satisfied, even if the pace doesn't match at all what society deems ideal. my hope is that in embracing my journey as a marathon instead of a sprint, I can achieve my future goals in a sustainable and holistically harmonious way.